Half empty

I live in a half-filled world. My cup is almost always half-filled. Sunday I was called on it. Someone said I was negative, and though I know it to be true, it still hurt like heck.

Seems I'm the reason my smallest church is not doing better. I "attack" it.

Perhaps that's true. Perhaps I don't look at the brighter side of things. Well, no perhaps about it.

After five weeks of preaching about inviting and preaching about changing things and bringing in new folks at the larger of my churches, we had 87 there on Sunday for a "black and gold" Sunday, with a "tail-gating party" of food after church. Most were estatic. I wasn't. All I saw was no new people, just more of the same folks who come some of the time.

It's hard to feel blessed when you feel you're not.

On top of being accused of being negative and "attacking" the other church, which has 24 folks on a good day, I wasn't exactly peppy the rest of the day and I'm not exactly peppy right now. Heck, even the ones I invited who said they were coming didn't. Clearly I haven't got all the answers. I have none of them, actually.

What to do?

I guess the thing is to do what I always do when I'm feeling particularly negative (which only a few readers know because I only have a few readers in the first place).

From the Message, the fifth chapter of Matthew reads in part, " 5"You're blessed when you're content with just who you are—no more, no less. That's the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can't be bought."

Therefore I guess I'm not blessed, because I have the hardest time being content with who I am, no more, no less. I really do. Being content with who I am, to me, means doing nothing. And I just can't seem to do that.

If one church has 24 and the other 87, all I want to do is bring in 30 and 100. I don't see the growth, I seen the slowness of growth. I don't see new faces, I see only a few new faces.

Do I wish I was different? I guess. Do I think I can change? Not really.

So I continue, one foot in front of the other while wondering why I even do that.