Headlines, anyone want headlines?

Today I feel like Jay Leno, famed comedian and host of the Tonight Show, though I do no have any antique cars merely cars that are old.

Why?

Today I'm reading Headlines, one of Leno's favorite gags in which readers send in headlines with a mistake or a problem or something amiss that Leno's gang of comedic writers can add a bit of punch (line) to them.

I'll not even do that today. I'll just grab the headline and let you do the work.

For example:
Radioactive Tuna Found Off California Coast
(Captain America says, "Charlie, smash."

Is This the Next Trend Everyone Will Be Wearing?
(Subhead)The animal fashion craze has hit an all-time high.
(I didn't know that, but then I'm so old-fashioned, I wouldn't use "all-time" and "high" in the same subhead.)

Madonna disses Lady Gaga
(I'm not making that one up; really, I'm not; I guess the main thing of note is this proves they're not the same person.)

Police shoot and kill nude man to stop him from chewing on the face of another nude man
(My wife actually asked if they really had to shoot him to stop him; I said truthfully that is the only way to stop a nude zombie).

This is an actual paragraph from an actual biography from an actual person: [He] was later spotted dining with a go-go dancer in a miniskirt and plunging neckline. I am assuming the writer mean that the go-go dancer was wearing the miniskirt and plunging neckline, but I can only assume.

Why is this even semi-important? Because words are important. They might even be more important today than ever, in a world of 24-hour-a-day (semi) news.

Why can't we simply have candidates who explain simply and completely they're economic policies. Then we can make a decision. Right? Maybe not.

Presidential candidate Mitt Romney says he's "haunted" by the verbal gaffes he's made during his second run for president but says he's the victim of a media environment that encourages "spontaneous" actions, yet pounces on mistakes. In an interview with the Wall Street Journal's Peggy Noonan, Romney acknowledges that he's forced himself to "be a little more careful in what I say" after mistakes that "make me want to kick myself in the pants." Among his gaffes, Romney cites his comment at a New Hampshire luncheon in January when he said, "I'd like to be able to fire people." He said he meant health care companies that provide inadequate services, but the remark has been used against him in Democratic attacks ever since without that kind of context. In the current media environment, Romney says, "you will be taken out of context, you'll be clipped, and you'll be battered with things you said."

And apparently you will somehow want to kick yourself in the pants, although I would actually pay to see that feat more than any of the oral legerdemain.

There was a time when headline writers were special, special people. There was also a time when headline writers worked for newspapers. Now? Not so much.

Fatally Stabbed Woman Runs Over Alleged Assailant’s 2-Year-Old Daughter
(I'm not sure a comment would do this justice, but I must inform you the headline actually was better than the story itself.)

The story reads like this:
An Ohio woman who was allegedly stabbed by her best friend as she sat in a running car, stepped on the gas before she died and ran over her alleged attacker’s two toddlers, killing one, police said. The bizarre chain of events began with an argument Thursday between Kimberly Black and Sharice Swain, both 29, as they were sitting in a car outside of Black’s Cleveland home. Police said it was unclear what started the argument between the two old friends. According to police, Black got out of the car, went into her house and came back with a knife, and then stabbed Swain several times in the face and neck. Swain stepped on the gas pedal, apparently trying to escape her attacker, and instead hit Black’s two children and a house. Kimshia Ruffin, 2, was killed, while 1-year-old Taraji Ruffin suffered injuries police described as not life threatening. It was unclear whether Swain intentionally struck the children, however, one neighbor who came to help Swain believed she had a different target. “It was on purpose. She was actually trying to hit the mama,” Nikki Randall told The Associated Press. Black removed her clothes and fled the scene on foot. She was arrested blocks away from the crime scene. Black was charged with murder and is scheduled to appear in court Monday morning.

I'm under the assumption that the nude woman running from the scene of the crime as the give away, the uh, dead give away.

The writer of the story makes it plain that the stupidity Black showed was not limited to those involved in the story. The writer had some of it on them, as well.

What does all this mean to those of us who got up this morning believing we were spiritual beings who loved the Lord? Words about words are so hard to find in Scripture, aren't they? Well, aren't they?

Not so much.

In the Psalms, we read, "His talk is smooth as butter, yet war is in his heart; his words are more soothing than oil, yet they are drawn swords."
Then, "They sharpen their tongues like swords and aim cruel words like deadly arrows."
Finally, "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."


In Proverbs, we read, "Get wisdom, get understanding; do not forget my words or turn away from them."
and your ears to words of knowledge."

In Ecclesiastes, we read, "Words from the mouth of the wise are gracious, but fools are consumed by their own lips." 

In Isaiah, we read, "Then the LORD reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth."

In Jeremiah, we read, "When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart’s delight, for I bear your name, LORD God Almighty."

God's words are instruction, they are vital, they are wonderful, they are pleasing, they are soothing. One needs only to, uh, read them.

I could go on an on and on, actually. I will use Matthew's Gospel for the closing argument: "Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock."

Though the Scriptures are indeed readable, hold-able, seek-able words, and the written word is a wonderful thing, still, God's Word is a living being. There are seldom times when I read a block of scripture, heck even a chapter, where it doesn't seem as if it is the first time I've read it. It is a living being, a living Word.

Paul ends his letter to the church in Ephesus by calling the word of God as the sword which the Spirit gives you. In another place, Paul says that word is more life-giving than bread, is a valuable seed, is an object of blessing, is a device of grace that lifts you up, is an indispensable weapon.

Clearly none of the headline writers were attempting to pass along the Word of God, but words in and of themselves have value, as well. When I wrote headlines, back in the day, at the end of the day, all those years ago (and any other cliche you can think of), we cared more. But that's not the point. The point is the living Word is a real, viable, almost hold-able entity.

The writer of John's Gospel tried to capture or encapsulate the word of God like this:

The Word was first,
the Word present to God,
God present to the Word.
The Word was God,
in readiness for God from day one.

The Word became flesh and blood,
and moved into the neighborhood.
We saw the glory with our own eyes,
the one-of-a-kind glory,
like Father, like Son,
Generous inside and out,
true from start to finish.

Eugene Peterson's The Message said it that way, the best way, "the Word became flesh and blood, and moved into the neighborhood."

Great headlines move into the neighborhood, YOUR neighborhood. The Word became flesh and did the same.