In our shells

This past Saturday an Illinois pastor who was grieving the death of his wife, whom he buried last December, reportedly fatally shot himself inside his Mattheson, Ill., home in front of his mother and son. He said he was hearing her voice and footsteps. A person close to the family said, "the Ed that I know, he would have never wanted to leave his family, but I guess the depression, I can't speak on, but that's just something."

It always is, friends. Read this quote and apply it to someone you know, someone who has never said anything to you about depression.

“I am now the most miserable man living. If what I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would be not one cheerful face on earth. Whether I shall ever be better, I cannot tell. I awfully forebode I shall not. To remain as I am is impossible. I must die or be better it appears to me.”

Abraham Lincoln said that. Abraham. Lincoln.

Depression strikes about 17 million American adults each year–more than cancer, AIDS, AIDS, or coronary heart disease–according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). An estimated 15 percent of  chronic depression cases end in suicide. Many people simply don’t know what depression is. “A lot of people still believe that depression is a character flaw or caused by bad parenting,” says Mary Rappaport, a spokeswoman for the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. She explains that depression cannot be overcome by willpower, but requires medical attention.

And it affects many, many more than you can imagine.

Imagine attending a party with these prominent guests: Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Robert Schumann, Ludwig von Beethoven, Edgar Allen Poe, Mark Twain, Vincent van Gogh, and Georgia O’Keefe. Maybe Schumann and Beethoven are at the dinner table intently discussing the crescendos in their most recent scores, while Twain sits on a couch telling Poe about the plot of his latest novel. O’Keefe and Van Gogh may be talking about their art, while Roosevelt and Lincoln discuss political endeavors.

But in fact, these historical figures also had a much more personal common experience: Each of them battled the depression.

It is common for people to speak of how “depressed” they are. I have said that from time to time, particularly when the pressure gets to be quite too high.

But what I've learned over time points out that my occasional sadness and momentary hopelessness (usually written in a blog as I've always found sadness is far more easy to write about than happiness.) everyone feels due to life’s disappointments is very different from the serious illness caused by a brain disorder. I found a story about twenty-seven-year-old Anne (not her real name) has suffered from depression for more than 10 years. “For me it’s feelings of worthlessness,” she explains. “Feeling like I haven’t accomplished the things that I want to or feel I should have and yet I don’t have the energy to do them. It’s feeling disconnected from people in my life, even friends and family who care about me. It’s not wanting to get out of bed some mornings and losing hope that life will ever get better.”

I believe depression causes a retreat into oneself, and I've done something like that as well, particulary when attacked.

Poet Joe A. Witt writes,
In my shyness . . .
At times I retreat to my "shell,"
Clinging to the security of being alone. In my shyness . . .
I may attempt to merge with my surroundings--
To be ignored, unnoticed, a silent voice rarely heard. In my shyness . . .
I can feel completely alone,
Although surrounded by people. In my shyness . . .
I'm perceived as having a padlocked soul--
And few try to gain entry into my realm. In my shyness . . .
Few will dare venture to really know me--
To hear my quiet voice or to really try to understand.

This morning, if you have but a moment, pray for the son and mother who watched this. Pray for the church this pastor worked at. Pray for all those grieving out there in our country. And pray for the millions who are hearing footsteps and voices because they're so locked into a depressive hole of hopelessness.

Over the mountains and the seas, his love runs for us. I believe he views the pain of us all, the conflict of us all, the miserable feelings that depression develops like film in an old camera, and he says, Peace, be still. The healer is there for everyone. Occassionally someone has to ask.