Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Bad excuse day

Today we're going to spend just a few minutes of your busy schedule on excuses, those things we pull out when all else fails, particularly bad excuses.

Take for example, this AP story:  Police in Everett, Wash., say a woman is accused of cutting her sleeping husband's neck and shoulder with a power saw. Officers who arrived at the home say they could hear the man shouting: "You tried to cut my head off. You're going to jail." Police say the woman told officers she grabbed the reciprocating saw Friday night because an intruder escaped out her daughter's window.

Bad excuse No. 1: GRABBED THE RECIPROCATING SAW BECAUSE AN INTRUDER ESCAPED OUT HER DAUGHTER'S WINDOW.

Maybe you didn't read that correctly. She said she GRABBED THE RECIPROCATING SAW...which I'm assuming she doesn't keep near her bedside table. Didn't grab a gun. Didn't grab a knife even. GRABBED THE RECIPROCATING SAW.

Or maybe this story: When Apple released its new iOS 5 operating system to go with its iPhone 4S, it touted a new app called "Find My Friends" as a great way to track and meet up with friends. If they agree, you can see their locations on a map on your screen. "Find My Friends" may have already claimed its first marriage.Saturday night on MacRumors, a man saying he lived in New York City posted his:"I got my wife a new 4s and loaded up find my friends without her knowing. She told me she was at her friends house in the east village. I've had suspicions about her meeting this guy who live uptown. Lo and behold, Find my Friends has her right there."I just texted her asking where she was and the dumb b---- said she was on 10th Street!!

Bad excuse No. 2: FIND MY FRIENDS HAS HER RIGHT THERE.
One suspects this wouldn't have lasted anyway, but with the new app, one must at the least cut down on the lying. Maybe the iPhone 5 will have the app FIND MY ENEMIES.

Finally, did you see this one (and this is completely serious, really, really serious):  Natalie Hayhurst looks like your average adorable 3-year-old. But when it comes to food, Natalie likes everything – literally. Natalie suffers from a rare condition called Pica that creates a compulsion to eat things that aren't food. "She prefers the wood, paper products, cardboard, sticks," said her mother Colleen. "She'll eat rocks, dirt; she's had a bite out of a Diet Coke can; she's eaten the little magnet out of the shower curtain, plastic bottles, toys." Any parent knows it's hard keeping an eye on a toddler. Try watching one who wants to eat everything in sight.

Bad excuse No. 3: DO YOU HAVE A TUMS? I could write almost anything about this but I'll try not to pick on a 3-year-old. But can you imagine? She PREFERS THE WOOD, PAPER PRODUCTS, CARDBOARD, STICKS. I thought I had a problem with ice cream.

The Bible says of excuses: "For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that people are without excuse."

An excuse is merely a reason for failure, often a bad reason for failure. Blaming an app for a sin, blaming a mysterious intruder for grabbing a saw for protection, heck even a case of Pica, is just that, shifting blame.

In the end, there is no excuse for it. Seriously.

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