Repenting?

"Immediately the Spirit drove Him into the wilderness. And He was there in the wilderness forty days ..." Mark 1: 12-13A

 

This morning, the first day of Lent, I took Galilee Olive Oil -- which I purchased more than four years ago in Bethlehem as I recall -- and mixed a bit of it with a small urn of ashes I've been shaping, making, distributing for quite some years now. I mixed those ashes, made from palms of years past, with the drizzling of oil to prepare them for an Ash Wednesday service later today.

 

The action made me think of many things, but as I begin 40 days of pondering, reflecting upon what my (and our by extension) journey will be, I saw clearly what today will be about.

 

Earlier in Mark, I read, "John came baptizing in the wilderness and preaching a baptism of repentance for the forgiveness of sins. Then all the land of Judea, and those from Jerusalem, went out to him and were all baptized by him in the Jordan River; confessing their sins."

 

Is it just me, or have we lost this to time and culture? Have we lost this notion of repentance? And even if we haven't lost it, has it not been diminished?

 

This morning as I stirred the ashes with a pencil to mix oil and ashes into a glop that will be put upon a forehead or two or three later this evening, I thought about how my sins have accumulated even as these ashes have. I thought about how my new sins have been mixed with the shed blood of the lamb to turn into a glop. I thought about how those sins will be washed away this evening even as those ashes will be wiped from my forehead later tonight.

 

Till tomorrow.

 

See, the problem, the real problem with these things (symbolic though they might be) is that we really, really need true repentance -- which I understand to be a turning away from our previous actions, turning 180 degrees toward him who saves us.

 

I pray I'm going to get back to that these 40 days (not counting weekends, which doesn't mean I'm going to go wild on Saturday and Sunday only that I'm not going to write on them). I'm not worrying about what I'm giving up for Lent. I'm worried about being reshaped by Lent (and beyond), repenting of all the stuff I carry around every day that has accumulated on me like ashes in an urn, growing deeper each year as palms are burned and stomped and put away for the following year.

 

I pray I'm going to not just reflect and ponder, but actually change (some more).

 

I pray I, I, repent for the remission of my sins, knowing that Jesus died for each and every one of them.

 

Father, today I pray for change. I pray I become a better man, father, grandfather, friend. I pray my repentance is a real one, and that the change that Jesus has already brought to me not only continue but intensify. I pray for forgiveness from anyone I have hurt in my selfishness. I pray a loss of ego, pride, and lack of effort in changing. I pray for others to be made more whole by my prayers, my actions, my love. And I pray that this day be but a beginning, not an end, of the repentance that Jesus brought to us all.

AMEN