I'm a couple days early for this, but I think I probably need more than 40 days or so to get back in gear.
Beginning Thursday, for each working day of the week (Monday-Friday for those who don't remember) I'm going to attempt to do a Lent-devotional blog, plus prayer to close.
It's different. It's not what I do as a rule. But it's what I'm going to do because, well, I need the time of reflection. We'll discuss sin, we'll discuss forgiveness, we'll discuss time and it's bearing on all of us.
If you tune in normally to get some opinionated thing. So be it. You won't get as much.
This morning, still, I was reflecting on who I am after all this time. Still a sinner in desperate need of a savior, I'm afraid. Still the anti-Superman, groping through darkness though the stabs of light are growing wider by the day. Still vulnerable to all sorts of sinful Kryptonites. Still struggling with money, weight, health, money, trust, money issues after all these years. Still struggling, big ol' period.
I read the other day that pastors shouldn't show their vulnerabilities. Well, uh, duh, uh, er, I guess I've never gone along with that. I am so far from perfect they had to send a letter to me from perfect-ville to let me know the path. And I have no valid transportation from where I live to where perfect is. Sorry John Wesley. I'm just little ol' me, still called by God, but still wandering like a modern-day Joshua -- I can't say I have any of Moses' qualities so I demote myself one down for the example.
I'm vulnerable, weak, at times stubborn and at times angry. I'm unsure at times, a failure at some times other times. I'm not all I can be.
But the point I've made over and over over in ministry is what the Apostle Paul wrote, "I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it."
Seems like a vulnerable pastor to me, even when pride and ego show up with their suitcases to take us somewhere we don't want to go.
Seth Barnes said of vulnerable pastors: "By showing his weaknesses, he gives his enemies potential weapons with which to
attack him. Expose your underbelly to someone and they might shoot you - it goes
against our self-protective instincts. My guess is that maybe 10% of leaders
practice this.
The problem is, self-protection isn't Jesus' way of leading. He said, "The
first shall be last and the last first." When you're weak, you'll be made
strong. In essence, "Show your underbelly to the people who might hurt you and
let me take care of protecting you." And, of course, he modeled this for us
right to the end."
A blogger named Reinder Bruinsma agrees. "Pastors who do not enjoy what they do, and do not enjoy life in general, may not last in their jobs. I realize that people differ and that not all of us have the same sense of humor or deal with our emotions, our joys and frustrations, in the same way. ... But all of us must function with transparency and integrity, and people around us must be able to understand us as we present ourselves. Members no longer expect their pastors to be perfect—if they ever did. Pastors should not be afraid to show their vulnerability from time to time. Showing vulnerability shows the pastor to be both human and credible."
Wow, who knew? I suspect after 16 years that I did.
All along I've been trying my darndest to be, well, me. And as I discover more (even at an advanced age) of who I am in Christ, I've found that one person's vulnerability is another person's surrender. Surrender is a good -- nah, a great thing when the surrender isn't to sin but to Christ.
Ben E. King wrote
"If the sky we look upon
should tumble and fall
and the mountains should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry, no I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand by me."
Seems about right.
3 comments:
I recall it's the truth that shall set us free; not pretending to be what we aren't. Preachers who peddle Jesus like deodorant don't seem to get that. Keep on keeping it real, Billy!
Actually you do share qualities with Moses. He too was a reluctant servant, questioned his own qualifications for the job, answered God's call anyway (as if he had any choice), and became one of God's effective messengers. Never sell yourself short. God does not make mistakes in choosing whom to call.
That's spot on, Roger. Amen.
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