God is good all the time, or so Freddie told me

What do we, we being humans, you know -- folks, people, us guys and gals -- want more than just about anything?

I think most of all, we want to fit in. We want to be welcomed in, to whatever we've tried to be a part of. Some are better at it than most. Some of us are bad at it, but want so badly to be good at it. Some of us struggle to fit in. Some of us struggle to belong. Some of us struggle, period.

I've heard some talk about the exclusivity of Jesus. I've heard some, like those long-lost-from-history disciples who began to follow him after a sermon or two on the mountain side because the teaching was "too hard."

I know. I've been that person, at an early age. I didn't want to do this because I would have to give up, well, you name it. My potential sacrifices were no different than many lists of many people.

I never stayed around to hear Jesus say, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest" primarily because my burdens simply hadn't gotten that heavy. They had to have the added weight of life lived wrongly to ever get to the weight in which I could hit a bottom and look toward heaven. Simply put, but true. Ashamedly put, but true.

I tried to fit into that other crowd, and never felt at home there. I did all I could, tried all I could, did all I could, and I never felt I fit in.

I hit that bottom and I looked heaven-ward, and suddenly it became clear to me that Jesus was standing on the other side of the River Jordan with one of those signs with a name on it, my name on it, and beckoning me toward him.

"Come to me," he said.
"Come fit in," he might have said.

So, today I was thinking -- over a Saints hangover from a late night (for me) bedtime because of Monday Night Football -- that is what the suddenly late, but way too early Freddie Henderson gave me that few ever have.

I try to fit into this crowd, those who love Jesus so desperately, but sometimes I don't feel quite at home there either, frankly. I don't know that I fit into the clergy crowd, because I feel so very much like laity still. I don't know that I fit into the laity crowd, because I'm clearly clergy.

But Rev. Freddie Henderson, who died late last week, always, always made me (and everyone around him) feel they've finally come home. He made us, all us Ragamuffins out on a wilderness journey, feel we'd found a really nice outpost to relax in. He made us feel that no matter what life was providing. His smile alone could send angels to guard our doors, or at least I felt that way after calling him with all my dang troubles from time to time.

No black. No white. No denominational wonderment or separation. No clergy, laity, none of those strange mutant beings who find themselves somewhere in-between. No different colored name tags at conference. None of that nonsense. He always, always made me feel that there was very simply a lot of ministry to be done, and we needed to be about it for Christ's sake.

When I first met him, oh, 14 years ago I believe, he welcomed me into his office, and we talked baseball. BASEBALL. I was all nervous, finding my way, trying to fit in and feeling like my hair was on fire, and he, knowing what I then did for a living, wanted to talk baseball. BASEBALL. I was all fidgety and wanted to talk about the newly (two years) found case of Jesus fever I had and wanted to share with the world and change the world and I wanted to be this and I needed to be this and, and, andandanddddddd.

He wanted me to calm down.

And fit in.

Paul wrote these words, which have often comforted me in my most moody of times, "And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord." (NLT)

That being true, and I've staked my whole life on it for 18 sometimes turbulent but always wonderful, it dawns on me that I fit in, sometimes despite myself.

Freddie would have heard that, grinned as wide as all of outdoors, and said, "God is good all the time. All the time, God is good."

And cliche though it might be, it always, always made me feel at home. God speed, Freddie.