The Teen commandments

Got teens?

I don't. But as pastor of a church in search of those fabled creatures, I did some research recently and came across what one mom lables the ten commandments for teens.

A short list goes like this:

1. THOU SHALL NOT GASP. When your teen is talking to you, you may hear things that are gasp-worthy. Resist the impulse.

2.THOU SHALL BECOME AWARE OF WHAT I AM CONVEYING NONVERBALLY. 90% of communication is non-verbal.


3. THOU SHALL NOT BELITTLE OR DISMISS. It's too easy for us to brush off the issues that concern our kids. Supposedly, adults have "real problems". Not true. Remember what it felt like to be in 8th grade?

4. THOU SHALL TAKE EVERY OPPORTUNITY TO BUILD MY TEEN'S CONFIDENCE AND SELF WORTH. This may not mean what you think it does- like pouring on the praise. There is a place for that absolutely.

5. THOU SHALL NOT TRY TO FIX EVERYTHING. Allow your teen a safe place to fall after a difficult situation.

6.THOU SHALL NOT TRY TO BECOME MY TEEN'S BEST FRIEND. Your kid has friends, they need parents. They need boundaries to feel safe.

7.THOU SHALL TRUST BUT VERIFY. Check up on your kid's whereabouts occasionally and make sure they are where they say they are.

8. THOU SHALL STAY INVOLVED. Get to know your teen's friends. Talk often about sex, alcohol, drugs, internet safety, relationships and self esteem. Even "good kids" with good grades ARE having sex, drinking and smoking pot. Grades are not always a barometer of high risk behavior.

9. THOU SHALL BE A GOOD EXAMPLE. Just because your teen may physically look like an adult, does not mean they are mentally and emotionally. They are watching everything you do, and are using your behavior as an indication of what is ok and what's not. Kids do as you do, not as you say.

10. THOU SHALL NOT BELIEVE THY TEEN WHEN THEY PUSH YOU AWAY. Kids want you to care. Do not believe claims of "It doesn't matter", "Don't worry about it", or "No one else's parents are going."

Now, her list is not bad, but there needs to be another one. Something like this:

11. Thou shall understand that God loves them.

12. Thou shall make every effort to attend youth meetings, youth gathering, youth trips, youth church.

13. Thou shall put no facebook before thy God. No myspace. No skype. No text. No email. If there are others, fill in the blank.

We are losing generations to churches across the denominational map. We shouldn't. Parents need to understand that though their teen is bored out of their gourd, they say, they still need to be dragged to church. Church members...you need to understand that the push to make the music, the worship, the preaching more accessible to younger people is so they won't be bored and won't drop out when they reach 20.