Monday, September 3, 2012

Unlaboring on Labor Day

I felt a sense of loneliness last week for reasons that can only be stated as for the first time I felt a real sense of change in my, our lives.

I do not have a newspaper subscription for the first time in my adult life, I believe. I did not rise Saturday morning to read about how the local high schools fared. Heck, I'm not sure the local high school in the little town  I now live even played Friday night.

Last week we had a storm, from everything I read on the Internet and everything I hear from my kids who were near the eye of the thing, but in the little town in which I now live, I heard almost nothing from anybody. I felt a disconnect that I suspect others in our churches did not feel. I wonder how this can happen.

I had a young woman hug me yesterday because she said what she loves so much about me is my sincerity. She said she loves that I don't mind appearing less that perfect. She meant that as a compliment. I only know that I can be little less or more than what I really am, which is still after all this time of walking with Jesus still a person who wonders what the heck he is doing.

I ponder if other pastors actually feel this way. There is a great, great part of me that hopes I'm not alone in this, as well.

I guess what I'm trying desperately to say today is this: The Lord was talking to Jeremiah once about what would happen after the 70 years of captivity of His people was done. He said this, "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you and will bring you back from captivity."

My life is defined by what I do not know, what I do not understand. It is that failure that keeps me going, that vulnerability that sustains my mission. I want only for those persons who are out there in emotional pain to find the one who not only eases that pain, but puts us on a course that will take that pain away. Our captivity to other things lessens when we allow HIm to show us the plans He has for us. If I didn't believe that sentence, I doubt I would be doing whatever it is that I am doing.

When I feel I'm not accomplishing that, I feel that all the Labor Days in the world won't make me feel a sense of accomplishment at my own labors.

Just what it is....

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