ACADEMY OF SPIRITUAL FORMATION, DAY 4
3:30 p.m.
The question wase simple but it struck me hard. How are you with forbearance?
Let's begin by saying I've probably heard more spoken Greek this week than just about all the weeks of my life combined. I'll further confess that those who throw in Greek words (and the Greek there says ...) always have made me feel as if the speaker wasn't trying to clarify so much as to show how little I know about the New Testament and life in general. I'll still further confess I've done that very thing. It really, really sounds like I'm smart when I say it, though I couldn't read a sentence of Greek if there was a gun held to my head and the only way of escaping is to diagram the 18th verse of the third chapter of Colossians, which by the way is perhaps the most important sentence in all of scripture. (See, that will make you look it up and discover the Greek says ...)
That said, the idea of forbearance (according to our lecturer Dr. Bob Mulholland) was (IN THE GREEK) this notion of meeting the person we're bearing with exactly wherever that person is. Not changing them the instant we meet them into something or someone they're not simply to meet our agenda is the idea. If you were to meet me without knowing me (which I guess would be the meeting part, wouldn't it?) you would instantly know that not only do I not know any Greek except Gyro, and I don't know much of anything that would fit the concept of scholarly in any category. If I were to tryout for Jeopardy, I would fail "SPELLING YOUR OWN NAME" for all dollar vallues.
My answer is not a pretty one for me. I don't forbear well. This week has been a forvearing challenge for me. I've met some wildly wonderful people who have all excelled at being themselves. Me? I've tried my best to fit in. And in my mind, I've done a lot of trying to change them so that I'm not the dullest particular tool in this shed. I've failed. In all the ways what I am is unimportant, I've tried to make the resume better than it is. Bet you didn't know that I'm close personal friends with most of the writers on the best-sellers list? Yep. John Grisham and I are practically neighbors.
Anyway, Dr. Mulholland was teaching us about the 13th verse of the third chapter of Colossians. That reads in the ESV "And above all these put on love, which binds everything together in perfect harmony: Other translations say in wisdom as the closing words. Still another reads, "binds everything togewther in wholeness." Dr. Mulholland said something about the antecedent of the female form of the pronoun which and that it being an elementary mistake that Paul wouldn't have made the word that preceded it was clearly incorrect and what does the love there refer to and of course it refers to the Christ and that's what Paul meant and something about the fact we should all understand that or simply leave the country.
At least I think he said that.
I, of course, was having another of those mini-strokes at the time that began somewhere around the use of the word antecedent. I had an antecedent named Elsie, my father's sister, and she lived in Florida. That's all I could think of for a moment. Then it dawned on me that was my AUNT Else, not antecedent and I had no idea what an antecedent was, and then I wondered how was knowing what that word meant going to help me feed hungry children around my church in Covington, and I wondered if there were antecedents around my church in Covington, and small chunks of brain began pouring out my ears.
All I could think of was why wouldn't Paul have simply written THE CHRIST if that's what he meant instead of LOVE. This clearly was a trick by the liberal conservatives of Paul's time. Or was it the conservative liberals? You can never be sure about those tricky folks.
I smiled after a while because for the first time in a while, I felt so "disciple-like." Clearly, like Peter and John, I wasn't getting it. I needed Christ to walk through the Wesley Center's closed doors, show me some scars on his side, head, feet and hands and say, "Are you an antecedent for me?" To which, of course, I would say nothing at all, for I didn't know what that meant.
It should be clear thatmy forebearance level was seasonably low. I was trying to make Dr. Mulholland fit my preconceived notion of what we're doing here. I was trying to make Dr. Mulholland fit my idea of study. In fact, I was trying to make Dr. Mulholland represent all my resentments about the seminary versus course of study, elder versus local pastor argument I've lived much of my clergy life.
Two days ago, for example, I was listening to a dear colleague, an elder who used to sit on the board of ordained ministry was talking about remembering me from our meetings. He was telling someone else about this as I listened and somewhere in the discussion, he described the local pastors and elders as being "us and them."
I'm amazed after all this time that elders almost always describe the relationship of the "orders" as us and them and I never heard local pastors do so.
I never talk about clergy and laity as us and them. I never talk about United Methodists and any other denomination as us and them. I never even talk about Christians and non-believers as us and them. I've just never seen the point.
We're all in this big bag of donuts together, seems to me, and I'm just trying to find my way home. I'm not in any way saying that Dr. Mulholland was separating the sheep and the goats, was in any ways dividing the seminarians (which by the way was his whole life for more than half his life) from those who didn't go.
What I am saying is that in terms of forbearing most of us in the room, he forgot that many if not most if not everyone but Dr. Mulholland didn't have the faintest idea of what an antecedent was.
Or maybe it was just me.
Bottom line is this: In trying our best to meet everyone where they are, the biggest hindrance is not knowing where they have been. It takes time to do so. Perhaps that is why the word that directly precedes bearing in the ESV translation of the 13th verse is PATIENCE.
Goes to show you: If one is loaded for bear, one must then shoot with patience (long-suffering).
10 A.M.
I believe Rich Mullins said that forgiving what had been done to you was tying the hardest know. He, therefore, began with the simpler ideas of Christianity.
This morning we've pondered the idea of forgiveness, looking at who needs it, who can give it and how much one can give. Like a vessel filled with hurt, the only way to drain that hurt is to forgive. Forgiveness, it seems to me, is the straw that does not break the camel's back but is one that helps heal it as that burden that threatens the wellness of the camel's back is lifted.
Jesus said he would take those burdens from us, but I believe in the long run that there is a pattern we must follow before he takes those burdens, those sorrows, those pains.
Nehemiah 9: 17 tells us that "they (the Israelites) refused to obey .. but you are a God of forgiveness."
Psalm 103:3 tells us, "He forgives all my sins and heals all my diseases."
Matthew 6:15 tells us, "But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins."
And Luke 23:24 tells us that Christ from the cross itself said, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do."
I have hurt people in my life without meaning to. The intentionality is not the question here. The hurt is.
For those actions or inaction, I ask forgiveness from those wounded souls that I love.
The specificity of those actions is not the question here. The hurt is.
For those actions, or inaction I pray that they will forgive me.
The reasons for those actions or inaction, for my ability to make a phone call that would lift or a letter than would encourage or for a visit that would change a day, the desire to be forgiven is not the question. The fact I've been caught in actions that were wrong is not the question. The fact that I have not reached perfection or holiness or even a degree of forgiveness with even a God who loves me from womb to casket and beyond is not the question.
The question is can I forgive so that I might be forgiven. The answer simply must be yes. I ask for forgiveness from friends and former friends who gave me all they had and I forgot the beauty of it. I ask for forgiveness from family who know me in my depths and in my heights and in my longings and my achievements. I forgive those who have done the same.
I ask for forgiveness for all those inattentive attempts at listening where my voice as no still one to be heard. I ask for forgiveness for not knowing what was on the hearts of the ones I loved, but instead cared much more for my own desires. I forgive those who have done the same.
And I ask for forgiveness for that part of me that still needs to be chipped away at till the false self is no longer there. I ask for forgiveness (and direction and guidance) so that as the prodigal I come home with a sense of wonder and awe, so that as the older brother I stay home with a sense of duty and achievement and I ask for forgiveness as the father of both sons so that I am filled with a cup of grace that runneth over. I forgive those who have done the same.
I have wronged some. I am sorry. I have not loved. I am sorry. I have not been the church to the world in need far too often. I am sorry.
This sorrow is real as the darkness that comes in the evening, and it is as unsustainable as my efforts to walk daily for my health. I am sorry, but it ends with forgiveness. My guilt is washed away with the blood of the lamb.
Therefore, please forgive me. I need this forgivess to go on, but it is up to the ones who have been hurt to decide. I can only forgive and ask for forgiveness in return. The rest is up to the other, the one I have hurt in small and large ways.
Let this day be a new beginning, and let me be a new creature (again, and again, and ...) until I get it right.
7 A.M.
Ephesians 1:13 -- And now you Gentiles have also heard the truth, the Good News that God saves you. And when you believed in Christ, he identified you as his own by giving you the Holy Spirit, whom he promised long ago.
This morning, as we continue the week-long quest to be spiritually reborn, reformeed, reconsituted, I begin by looking at the good news that was given to me, that good news being my understanding of the Gospel, the Gospel itself and my being given the Holy Spirit to help me understand how to live now that I have this good news.
It is clear that my level of education and even my level of understanding, wisdom, and knowledge isn't what it is for many who are here. I'm no seminarian, and even if I was, apparently, my understanding of some of the concepts we've been taught and.or given is not what others have. At one point yesterday in a lecture, my inclination was to say, "sorry, I'm not at all sure what we just said."
So be it. What I do understand is that God saved me, picked me up from the gutter, cleaned me as best could b e done, sent me b ack out onto the streets so that I could tell someone the truth of the Good News. Do I have the vocabulary to express that in seminarian terms? Nope. So be it. What I have is a genuine affection for others, and I pray a way of simplifiying the way to look at what the heart hopes to express rather than just the mind. Oswald Chambers, in ther reading for today, wrote, "God does not give us ovecoming life; He gives us life as we overcome...if we will do the overcoming, we shall find we are inspired of God becuase He gives lfe immediately." Oh, what joy in life we will have if we but live as if we have joy.
The rest? False selv es and contemplative prayer that leads to self-examination that leads to something I'll discovered today perhaps is just as they say so especially in Louisiana, just lagniappe.
Am I all I can be in Christ? Nope. Will I grow closer to him? Yes, over time. Will I try to grow closer? You've read the efforts, and by the way, you'll hit 10,000 hits on the website sometime early this morning and I'm greatly appreciativ e of you efforts as well. You're at least part of the reason I do five days a week. Keep reading.
See you after breakfast and a lecture....
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