Before our own altars

ACADEMY FOR SPIRITUAL FORMATION, DAY 3,

3:40:  Let me first say I hope these musings of what we've done here have been, are being, helpful. They are assignments as it were, thoughts and expressions developed from morning and afternoon lectures.

Let me briefly pave the way for you to study Paul's letter to the Colossian church. I'm trying to condense a rather lengthy passage of scripture and an hour-long lecture into a readable piece of material. Please bear with me. Save this, bookmark it and read it at length when you want to.

Paul is telling a church, filled with folks he's never met, about what it means to have the true self, Christ's cross as it were, as opposed to the false-self. This church had attached itself to the idea that works-righteousness was the true life of Christians. In other words, if you do the right bunch of stuff, you get the right result. Give me some rules with my three-course dinner and I'm fine, thank you.

In the second chapter, beginning with the 20th verse (I'll use the NIV here) through the middle of the third chapter, we read, "²⁰ Since you died with Christ to the elemental spiritual forces of this world, why, as though you still belonged to the world, do you submit to its rules: ²¹ “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? ²² These rules, which have to do with things that are all destined to perish with use, are based on merely human commands and teachings. ²³ Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.THIRD CHAPTER ¹ Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. ² Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. ³ For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. ⁴ When Christ, who is your^[a] life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory.
 ⁵ Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. ⁶ Because of these, the wrath of God is coming.^{[b] 7} You used to walk in these ways, in the life you once lived. ⁸ But now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. ⁹ Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices ¹⁰ and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator. ¹¹ Here there is no Gentile or Jew, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbarian, Scythian, slave or free, but Christ is all, and is in all."

I could go on and on, but let's stop there and say this: Paul was clarifying  basically that since you have died to the spiritual forces of this world with Christ, why are you still trying to follow the lists of good behavior of that same world? And since you were raised with that same Christ, why are you not putting to death all that earthly behavioral thing?

I'll condense it further. Why are you trying so hard to look Christian, and when are you going to start allowing God to let you BE Christian?

Get rid of the rule-book. Pick it up and toss it, or at the least pick it up and let it be a coffee table book rather than a daily way to live book.

Years ago in one of my first jobs in journalism, we would sit in the office and have trivia contests based upon the baseball rule book. In other words, we studied the rule book daily. I knew many kids who knew almost all the rules of the rule book yet couldn't play a lick, and I knew many kids who knew almost none of the rule book but could play wonderfully.

Paul is telling these Colossian people to get rid of the religious false-self (that which would have us stop handling, tasting and holding things). He is saying start concentrating on becoming truly healed by God of our broken sexuality and our tendency toward violence.

Stop putting on human rules that simply limit the joy of Christian living without being beneficial ward the goal of heavenly eternal living and start letting the gifted of God play well together in fields of grace.

We are all in that field of dreams together by the way, Paul writes. Gentile (Catholic, Baptist, Methodist and the like), Jew, Muslim, Wican, etc. Whether male or female, whether black or white, whether young or old. There is one rule and one rule only that applies: Crucified with Christ. Raised with Christ. Saved by Christ, through Christ, because of Christ. Though that seems to be plentiful, it is one. That one is, of course, CHRIST.

10:10 a.m. -- Self-examination, or as Ignatius of Loyola described it, the daily examen of consciousness as the way to discernment.

He prayed, "God, my Creator, I am totally dependent on you. Everything is a gift from you. I give you thanks and praise for the gifts of this day."

Last night in a circle our Covenant group began slowly and finished with flourish as we talked about the gifts God had given us.

One slender quiet woman from Shreveport showed us her incredible gifts of creativity that produced painting, molding, building of artistic expression. In a word, her gift is hand-made, hand-held beauty. She humbly shared with us what she has seen in mists of inspiration that only she could see. We were blessed.

One man, a displaced New Orleanian, a brother of the storm, read us a song he had written yesterday that gathered its theme from rescue (he has two rescue horses). We were ble3ssed.

One clergyman told us of a dream he had hand the night previous in which anger molded and directed his actions, quite unlike his reality. His truth and clarity and honesty blessed us.

And I told the group about the work before me. I told them hesitantly and our leader wondered why I hid my talent behind the fear I wear as cloak. I never answered him, really. So that's what I've decided to examine this morning, that 1 1/2 hour period last night.

I hide whatever talent I have  because like the Atlanta Braves pitcher John Smoltz once said, I fear failure more than I'm motivated to succeed. I don't like to show my writing talent just in case someone thinks I don't have any. I'm almost ashamed of what I'm capable of doing, and just typing that sentence hurts me. If I was to discover that no one liked my writing, it would absolutely criple me. It is my image of myself. I AM a writer. It's not just what I do. It is who I am. Rightly or wrongly, I write. Started with a worn and beaten typewriter at my aunt's house almost a half-century ago.

Today I'm motivated by the small number of readers I have more than the possibility of having millions. In other words, I would find reasons to be unhappy if I was the No. 1 blogger in the country, but I can't even get the Louisiana Annual Conference website to pick up the link to my blog so clearly I'm not that good.

I pray these musings help someone, but I'm convinced they could never do so. In essence, I'm a New Orleans Saints football fan in all thats deep meaning. In other words, I prepare myself for losses so much so that I convince myself the loss is inevitable. In self-talk sessions that bleed discouraging words like a suicidal wound on the wrist, I tell myself that the work is not good enough so often that eventually the work is not good enough in reality.

Ignatius asked of himself to reflect on the Holy Spirit's actions during his day: "Holy Spirit, I believe in yur work in time nd through time to reveal me to myself. Please give me an increased awareness of how you are guiding and shaping my life, as well as a more sensitive awareness of the obstacles I put in your way.

It dawns on me like a dreary revelation: I AM THE OBSTACLE HE HAS PUT IN MY OWN WAY. I. ME.

I am asked to examine his presence in today's events; his presence in the feelings I experienced; on his call to me; and on my response to him.

I am asked to tell him what event I most want healed.

That it easy, for me this morn.

Today, friends, I ask the Holy Spirit to heal me of my self-absorbed actions, of my inability to believe not in the Holy Spirit of whom I have great respect and belief but rather my inability to believe in myself. I ask God's Spirit to heal my false-humility and yet I ask Him to give me a natural and normal self-image that doesn't include my unnecessary desire to be loved me all.

Let today be the day He heals me of all false, harmful images of myself. Let today be the day I am brought more deeply into the kingdom's walls. Forgive me of my sinful actions of the previous day, o Lord. And let today be the day I begin a more forceful, meaningful, cleanly walk with you.

8:40 A.M. -- After a startling good breakfast during which we could see the sun fighting to slice its way through the fluff we called clouds, a morning in which we broke not only our fast from food but also fast from sound (talking and such), I read the news this day (uh, huh).

Among the items was this: Iran trumpeted advances in nuclear technology on Wednesday, citing new uranium enrichment centrifuges and domestically made reactor fuel, in a move abetting a drift towards confrontation with the West over its disputed atomic ambitions. Iran has been resorting to barter to import basic staples as sanctions, imposed over its pursuit of nuclear activity seen in the West as geared to developing atomic bombs, have spread to block its oil exports and central bank financing of trade.

I began to ponder our world. In the minutes I had remaining before the next lecture at this Spiritual Formation Academy, I pulled out my very worn copy of My Utmost for His Highest, and today's devotional asked the question, "Am I my brother's keeper?" Uh, wow and then some.

Author Oswald Chambers makes this point ..."How many of us are willing to spend every ounce of nervous energy, of mental, moral and spiritual energy we have for Jesus Christ? That is the meaning of a witness in God's sense of the word."

How would this world be different, or even would it be different, if we were to take this message to Iran: We love you and would love for you to join us in our quest to make this world be peaceful again. Would you please consider using your advancements toward a peaceful nuclear program?

Chambers asks, "God has left us on the earth -- what for? To be saved and sanctified? No, to be at it for him." In other words, what are we planning to do this day for God. Not with God. No devotional reading. No prayer time. No visiting or even having dinner with. No. What are you planning to do FOR him.

Are you willing this day to be different than you were yesterday? To be changed so that you can be an agent of change? To help rather than be helped? To love rather than be loved?

This is monumental it seems to me because these are fundamental changes that could, could mind you, change the fundamentals. The Iranians (and all those faceless Middle Eastern persons who know of Jesus but do not know him at all other than what they see in us and for the most part do not like, deserve our utmost for his finest. I worship at HIs altar, not my own, this morning, I pray.

In a room of almost exclusive whiteness, in a room almost exclusively of one culture, that altar is hard to find, but it exists. Let His will be done.


7 A.M. --

The darkness of the days continues, though there was a brief moment Tuesday afternoon where the sun stuck it's great head out and smiled down at our meager efforts to find a joyous God. This morning my body is proclaiming it a peace-free zone, as aches and pains from walking are surfacing like angry monsters from 10,000 feet below the surface.

But here I am, seeking answers to as-yet imposed questions. I turn in the scriptures quite randomly this morning to Ezekiel's journal of affairs and I read this, "Therefore you prostitute, listen to this message from the Lord...Because you have poured out your lust and exposed yourself in prostitution to all your lovers, and because you have worshiped detestable idols, and because you have slaughtered your children as sacrifices to your gods, this is what I am going to do...

While I congratulate myself immensely for having done none of those things as did Israel (the recipient of the prophecy of Ezekiel), I stop to ponder and I wonder as I wander.

I've lusted, as Jimmy Carter so famously insisted, in my heart and certainly in my mind as I've tried to direct God to do my will, not his, in terms of job offers and appointments and such. I've sought out detestable idols of money, fame, fortune even while I've told everyone how poor we were because of my decision to become a minister full-time. Thus I've slaughtered figuratively my children and grand-children at the altar of my own choosing.

If we take the time, and that's about all I have to treasure in the silence of this retreat, we can certainly see those times when we, every bit as much as dear ol' Israel did fall away from God instead of seeking after his face.

We wanted so much more. He gave us all we needed.

Thus we fall, and we fail, and we falter before our own altar. And so begins the day.