Okay, I've figured out something and that, my friends and casual readers, is something special. I've figured out, as I head on Sunday for a five-day spiritual retreat, that I'm perhaps more undisciplined than the retreat (and life in general) demands.
I have no, what they call in the book I was required to read that I poured through sort of, discipline. Never had it. Perhaps, only perhaps, never will. I can't rise early and work on my relationship with Jesus, though I indeed want to go deeper. I can't. I tried. All I really felt was sleepy. I can't fast. Again, all I really felt was hungry. I can't go deeper in my prayer-life though I really do want to.
So where does this leave us? Well, I'm apparently pretty good with the confession part.
Look, I'm being fairly whimsical about this, and I don't really mean to. But I looked back deeply into my past this week as I prepared for next week, and what I saw was total, uh, undiscipline. The reason I'm not a better guitar player is the hours of practice it would have required. The reason I don't sing better is the lessons it would have taken (and lack of voice, but that's another thing). Even the writing comes straight from whatever gift God gave me because I never really studied the how tos in school. I just wrote.
I love Jesus with whatever of my heart I can give. I serve with all that I know how. I do what I can, and I fail at much of what I try. But through it all, what I do is without true difficult discipline.
I know. And I believe God does to because scripture says He knows my heart, my being. How about you readers? Do you have the discipline to go deeper? Have you tried? Will you try?
Next week (you read it first here) I'm going to rise at 6 a.m. and write to you my devoted ones. Part of it is I'm scared to not write for you might give up and I can't imagine that. Part of it is I'm going to use next week as a journal of the heart, mind and soul.
Take those steps with me. And if I have typos, remember, I'm sleepy.
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