Last night we watched 62 youth at our church learn more about scripture, more about the coming Back to Church Sunday activities we have planned and more about the art of water wars (don't ask, don't ask).
Then we came home, tired and hungry. We ate a late dinner, which left us (oh, the agony) with 20 minutes before the top of the 9 o'clock hour. At our house, much of what we do comes from awaiting the next television show we like.
So, we switched to a program Mary often tapes and watches (for reasons I'm not at this time sure of). I had never seen it, the topic being unimaginably not interesting to me, being I don't watch reality shows. To me, if one can't write a fiction show, then there just shouldn't be a television show to begin with.
I wipe all sorts of swamp people, overweight people, dancing people, singing people, auction people, swamp people with weight problems, Kardashian people, swamp Kardashians with weight problems while singing and dancing and any other type of non-fiction show -- CSI Kardashian -- there might be right off the map. I've seen, I think, bits of two American Idol shows (I thought that was about Drew Brees, but apparently not) and none in their entirety.
Anyway, the show was called Tiaras and something or other, and it was about "beauty" pageants for kids.
Having now seen 20 minutes of it, I firmly believe there should be arrests: parents, relatives, trainers, especially the judges, and maybe even a few five-year-olds.
I can't begin to tell someone how repugnant I found this show to be for reasons that can't be discussed in a somewhat family blog. This ain't my cup of reality, if you get my drift.
Mary says this was an unusual show. Mary says this is normally as family-oriented. She says that these little girls beauty pageants are no different than little boy baseball. I point out that it's not required to wear tons of makeup, apparently do something inside the mouths of these precious little girls to make their smiles seem so fake I wondered if they were indeed human. I also point out that the umpires were not cross-dressing, very fake celebrity impersonators, or at least their wearing umpire duds not dresses and were merely bad umpires not bad Chers or Britneys and nowhere on the baseball field were the kids required to shake their, uh, assets, in order to make a play. For gosh sakes, give the kid a bath and a softball bat.
Heck, I felt a need for a shower when the program was over, and I wasn't even there. Made me question the entirety of Direct TV, not just the station that aired this program. There weren't any dog whisperers or cat scratchers or some dang Animal Planet thing they could have put on?
Mary tells me, and she's my guide to such things, that these pageants are often family-oriented things in which talent is the key to victory. All I know is one little lass was disappointed because she won something akin to the personality award and she proclaimed to all -- through a fake smile that wouldn't become unfake for some reason -- that she had "worked" too hard to win such a measly award. She was 5. FIVE years old, with eyes the size of Pluto (the planet, or former planet, not the Disney dog. Should have been in VBS, not on stage doing the splits like an Olympic event gone haywire. Made me long for someone chasing a hog through Texas or Arkansas or some dang place that teeth work is optional. Clearly teeth work is mandatory on this television show. I saw bigger smiles than the federal deficit.
Where on earth have we gotten to when this is what is leading my television choices? Some good clean (that word keeps popping up) HGTV was needed where some lying realtor is leading some lying home buyers in some fake effort to buy a home. Where have all the flowers gone, indeed? These kids will one day be stars in the Hungry Games or some dang 2020 version of Trampires.
Look, I'm not a property virgin here. I've been around the bad TV block a time or two. Hey, I watched my share of ALF a few years back. My mother was a car for an episode or two.
But never in my life have I seen twins dressed up to be Madonna Madonna before the age of T-Ball players come bouncing on my big screen before.
Mary says that this is no different than, say, the Little League World Series, which is currently playing on ESPN. Get that dang thing off my tube, too. No, wait. Baseball clearly isn't reality any more.
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